Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
