Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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