I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
