he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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