yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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