Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
