"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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