Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Welp...herpes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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