wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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