Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
