ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
