I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
did i just pee glitter
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
