some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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