Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
