would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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