Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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