Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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