The panties match.
I'll be right there.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
