I faked an abortion last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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