none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
