Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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