Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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