Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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