Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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