I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
