I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
