Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
