I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
