I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
