I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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