Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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