dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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