We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
