Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
