She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
