nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
