Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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