Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
