I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
