guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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