I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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