dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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