I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
