I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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