giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
