allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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