this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
