Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
