I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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