After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
