very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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