halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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