Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Two words: blizzard sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
