It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
