dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
