my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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