Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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