Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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