im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
