My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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