He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
