Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
