it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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