Im at strip club and am horny
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
