Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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