btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We have started to decorate penises.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
