What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
