I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
