he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
