I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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