i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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