Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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