i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
