sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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